Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
