you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
