I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
