shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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