Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
