if i can run in heels then i can drive
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
