Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
