her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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