i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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