I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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