Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
