I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My bed smells like the plague
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
