As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
