I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
