you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
