smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
