So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
