remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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