I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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