is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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