I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
ok first of all what the fuck
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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