sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
