one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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