none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
