I think my vagina is haunted
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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