Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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