You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
