Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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