My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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