i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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