ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Gay?
German.
Pity.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
