There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
