I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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