you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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