ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You may now shotgun with the bride
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
