Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
