i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
