Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
