My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
