Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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