His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
