The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
