She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
