Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
