Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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