I need help removing her.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
