omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
