The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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