I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
