Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
