we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
