Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
