That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
