There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
