Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
