i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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