I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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