I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
