the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
