well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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