Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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