i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
