So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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