i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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