I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
