Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
