There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You need a sexual gate keeper
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
