a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
