One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
