What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
