dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
