that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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