I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
how drunk are you?
Several
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize