Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
