the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
