Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
