Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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