so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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