go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
