He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
