Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
