are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
