All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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