so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
