Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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