but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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