he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
