One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
