I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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