just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
